Why I don't like New Year Resolutions

New Year Resolutions. 

 

It gets to the end of the year and we make promises to ourselves that we will resolve to make changes, to do better in life than we did I the previous year. 

 

I read somewhere that by February 90% of people who resolved to eat better or exercise more had already fallen off the wagon and were effectively already “failing”. 

 

Resolutions don’t seem to be very effective do they and in who’s opinion do you have to do better than the year before? This sounds like my old school report. “must do better” 

 

From a therapists point of view the very suggestions that we are failing, therefore must make improvements, so we stop failing.... is a very ineffective place to start if we really do want to make changes in our lives. 

 

A much more positive place start is by looking at our strengths. When we focus on them it opens our mind to the possibility that we can indeed do more, look at what we can do already ! 

 

I like to think about the end of the year as a chance to reflect, and if you have gone through difficulties in that past year your mind will undoubtedly start with them, but go past that and look at how you have dealt with these times. And even in the crappiest of crappeist years there is always something that you have enjoyed, something that has made you smile, something that you have achieved. 

 

Let’s use home schooling as an example. I home schooled an 8 year old, by myself…while running my business from home, throughout the entire first lockdown. My first thoughts? That was awful, I hope I never have to do that again, I cant think of a time when I have argued with my child so much and never in my life am I going to have any negative thoughts about my childs teacher ! 

 

I have developed some anxiety in my mind about the possibility of home schooling potentially at any point now in my life should restrictions change, that I have been doing some serious work on personally using my hypnotherapy knowledge. I found it very stressful. 

 

Turning this around when I truly reflect, I can find times that I enjoyed and did make me smile. I loved the day we put the laptop down and we ran gardening school instead. I taught my child about plants and she dug in the earth and found worms and made her own compost bin out of an old lemonade bottle . I can appreciate and remember the warm and sunny days we enjoyed having our lunch outside, making it a real event with blankets on the grass, and no clock to watch. I did not iron one single item in those months. That itself is something I miss and wish Id appreciated more fully at the time ! I was stressed and worried and overwhelmed but I got through it. I got through it in one piece and so did my daughter. Perfect parenting is a myth. I was not a perfect parent, but it was alright and me and my munchkin have a lot of memories, that because of the significance of 2020, we will remember well. 

 

So, if I run my life by making resolutions, I could say to myself. I must be a better parent and if we go back into lockdown I must get more of the school work set completed and argue less with my child. 

 

I must find a better work life balance. 

 

And just for good measure, I must exercise daily and never eat another bar of chocolate as long as I live. 

 

How about we throw away those resolutions and say this instead? 

 

I work hard at supporting my child to learn and grow. I will look forward to more opportunities to do that this year. 

 

The skills I have learned in life mean that for most of the time I juggle life and work well and this means that I can enjoy both. This I am grateful for. 

 

My physical health and mental health is a priority, and I know that taking care of myself is essential. I will continue to fill my body with healthy food and do some exercise each day. This makes me feel good so its not a chore. If I eat a bar of chocolate from time to time that’s ok. 

 

Resolve to be kind to yourself is what I say. Happy New Year all ! 

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