Its all change, or is it ?
Posted on 2nd April 2021 at 17:38
Hello wonderful members, how are you all doing? As you will have seen I have chosen the topic of overwhelm for this month so let me tell you why.
For a long time now we have had our movement and choices restricted by the varying lockdown measures, in some form or another and then just as quickly as it started it seems like we are looking at an end. Well maybe not a complete end but overnight a list of announcements were made about what was opening up again and what we could freely do.
Now I wonder has this ever happened to you? You wait a really long time for something exciting to happen and when it does you don’t feel as happy about it as you expected or indeed the event wasn’t anything like you imagined it would be and all that expectation falls down like a lead balloon? Or the event is so exciting that the happy emotions are really extreme and that’s not what you expected either?
This can leave you feeling a real host of emotions, and when we feel a lot of different emotions all at once this can leave us feeling really overwhelmed. Our minds just don’t know which way to turn. I’m disappointed that this isn’t how I expected but I feel guilty that I’m disappointed, I should feel happier. I feel confused and pressure from myself and others and even self conscious and ashamed and lonely and now my mind is wondering if I am ok ! Should I really be feeling like this ?
I was thinking of some example from my own life when this has happened to me, and I remembered a time as a child when my Granny said to me that we were going to the nearby town to see the pictures. I assumed we were going to the cinema and I was so excited but tragically for a 7 year old child, she actually meant the art gallery ! Can you imagine ?! Writing this I can feel the emotion. I was really upset, disappointed and bored. I felt a bit angry too but then guilty as I realised my granny had no idea and she thought she was taking me out for a lovely day. I remember that I felt unable to explain any of this to her but the emotions were just so overwhelming that they spilled out in inconsolable tears.
The other example that sprang to mind is when I left my job as a social worker. I had been looking forward to this final day and to the break and the rest from this stressful role. I was expecting to feel so ecstatic and full of energy. Id spent many years going into work feeling dread I was sure that instead id be feeling on top of the world. This didn’t actually happen.
I expected to feel amazing but in actual fact I felt really overwhelmed and sad. I missed my work colleagues, I missed the families that Id been working with and I felt like id let them down by leaving. I enjoyed the extra time that I had with my family but then felt bad about that too. Everyone around me kept telling me I must be loving life without the stress of my job anymore which made me even more overwhelmed and confused. The result was that it a took me several months to feel settled and calm and clear about things.
Feelings can be like this. They can come in all at once and it can unsettle us. A year ago we all got a load of emotions and feelings about covid and being in lockdown and it took us a while to settle into it and now we are coming out of the situation its completely possible that we will feel that again. A wealth of emotions, positive as well as negative, all at once. We might feel overwhelmed and it might take a little while for these feelings to settle and for your thoughts to clear.
All of this change however is excellent practice for when inevitably in life change happens again. Don’t hide your feelings, let them out. Talk it through with as many people as you can, write about them, whatever works for you, but releasing and accepting is going to reduce that overwhelmed feeling and it will pass in time.
Have a great month all, Silvia x
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