Can you do it all (and should you)?

I recently read a book by Oprah Winfrey and Dr.Bruce Perry, called “What Happened to you”. Essentially it is a book about how we, as humans,, react to trauma and I would highly recommend it, but a passage really hit me and I have not been able to get it off my mind since. In true wellness expert style (That’s me..) , I am using writing about it as a way to let it all out and share it here with you. 

 

The context of the passage concerned a single mother with no support who is trying to do it all, and just like that Oprah comes out with it. “She can not” . 

 

Boom! 

 

She can not be all of the support her child needs and all the things she needs. As I read, it felt like a blow to the chest. She can not be both parents and grandparents and their carers, Oprah continued. She can not be the provider of the money to keep a roof over their head and all other things at the same time. She can not be the educator of all things to the child. She can not be the cleaner of the home, the cook, the finance manager, the driver, well any of it all at the same time, yet she is expected to. She is expected to by society and more importantly by herself ! Oprah is clear and unapologetic about her statement, but I found it both saddening and refreshing to hear her realistic view on the matter. 

 

Now this blog isn’t about trauma, but what keeps ringing through my head is the slap bang in my face truth, that one person can not and actually should not, do it all. I knew this of course on many levels but sometimes even the facts that we know and knowledge we think we may have is nothing compared to a moment when your brain just clicks into a realisation of something that seems so clear and obvious that it can stop you in your tracks. Funnily enough in this book Oprah speaks of these moments and refers to them as the “ah ha” moments. 

 

This is what clients experience in Hypnotherapy sessions. They know something superficially , lets say about health and nutrition . They might have all the books, the downloads, even the spinach and kale in the fridge, and they may be lulled into a feeling that they know a lot about this subject, but until the brain clicks and it makes sense in a way that actually changes the way you think and feel, then this knowledge stays in the superficial realms. 

 

As this information from this one book has moved around my mind over the past few days a shift in perspective has occurred. I have in my life felt like I am failing somehow on a regular basis. A single mother, who runs two businesses, cares for her grandson, supports her older children, manages the finances of the house, cleans the house, does the laundry, shopping, cooking and caring for my youngest daughter, taking her to dance class, colouring with her, being her emotional support when she falls out with her best friend at school, and so on and so on each and every day of the year. I used to feel bad about myself on the days when I forgot it was fancy dress day at school, or I watched trashy TV instead of putting the washing away, or I felt guilt on those days where I sat and thought, I cant do this any more and I want to run away. 

 

I have suddenly realised on a deep level that I actually can not do all of these things, all of the time. I have set myself an impossible standard of daily achievement and spent way too much time berating myself over the many times when that impossible task has not been achieved. I wonder if you can relate to this. 

 

Other people put pressure on us to be a certain way. Parents often have high expectations for their children mine being no exception. Society and the perfect world of social media can also add another layer of expectation for us. 

 

The point of this subscription is to offer you a way to take care of yourself in a timely way. Of course the videos, the tasks, designed to offer that short, effective injection of calm and contemplation into your life, and I wonder, now reflecting upon this revelation to my mind, if I am so passionate about this being as accessible to you as possible, because I have such a huge appreciation of how difficult it is to fit in all the things that we think we need to get done, let alone the things we feel we never have time for….ourselves….into each day. 

 

Let me clear this up to you reading this. You are important. You can not do everything all the time so let that pressure go right now. You can give yourself permission to rest, have fun, leave those dirty dishes in the sink if you so choose, and you are doing the best you can with the resources you have within you and around you right now. You also have the power and the knowledge to seek change. If there are things in your life that aren’t working for you…..thoughts…environment…relationships….there are always opportunities for you to make changes. Big changes and small ones, they all count and you can do this ! 

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